Micke

mrenberg @ 2004-05-31T02:00:00

2004-05-31T09:00:49Z

It's funny. How easily you're replaced.

Emmy's discovered the joys of soccer. She hasn't quite decided which team she likes best. So far, her devotion is rotating by colors. I told her to just choose the home team, but clever girl snapped back that love isn't based on proximity. No, she said, it's based on the colors of one's uniform. Superficial, yes? And so many things are, but she munched on her ham and cheese sandwich, and stared at the tv screen, and started talking about astrology and Ouigi boards and personality tests and perhaps an old American game called Pretty Pretty Princess. I wonder where she learns about these things. She's blase and never tells me--shakes her hand at me like she's fifteen already and yawns out, "My friends, Papa." So it's beyond merely blue looks prettier than orange. It's destiny and physics and American board games.

And prospective husbands. She's found three good ones, two maybes, but has yet to find a "positively absolutely must have" husband. Two new role models. One new hero. I scoffed, poking her sides, because wasn't I her hero? But no. Replaced. "Oh, Papa, I still love you. And you are my hero, but... he's my more hero now!"

You can't argue with logic like that. And she's a fickle girl. Bound to find a new hero in the next few days, bounce around, gravitate to a new one then eventually, I'm certain she'll find herself drawn back to me. Afterall, I have a # 1 Dad t-shirt, hat, and mug. Who can compete with that? Of course, knowing her, she'll be stubborn. Like when she insisted on watching that movie hundreds of time in the row because she was certain it would never get boring. I caught her sleeping and she said it was late, and then later the tape mysteriously got eaten by the VCR. I offered to buy her another copy, but no--I musn't spend the money on her. And yes, she still loved the movie, and no, it never got boring, but she would carry on, silently, tragically suffering with the memory of the movie with her.

She's very dramatic. She could be an actress when she gets older. Or a Stina.

Ahem

2004-05-06T07:33:12Z

Go, Finland, go.

Even if it is a God forsaken country.

mrenberg @ 2003-12-15T01:30:00

2003-12-15T09:39:32Z

I saw this pasted to my locker:

"It's nice to get the goals but sometimes I think we're too focused on who scores the goals and who are the heros," said Renberg. "We have a great team and we feel good about ourselves right now, and with the group of guys we have we're not going to be satisfied."

I keep... thinking.

I don't know what I want anymore. Or where I want to be, other than on the ice. I think that... I will have to think some more.

mrenberg @ 2003-12-09T02:03:00

2003-12-09T10:21:11Z

Can you feel it?

That, just... moment right before someone pops a balloon. That anticipation, and everyone is holding their breath until their lungs are bursting, and their shoulders are twitching as they mentally cringe, mentally try to prepare themselves for the inevitable pop.

There's so much build up, and yet... Yet, when it's over, it's just a fast loud noise, and a whoosh of air, and then quiet. A laugh, because how could you have been so silly? Fearing something with all bark and no bite; a loud noise, and then it's over.

Of course, there are the often soggy remains left on the floor for you to clean up. Rubber slick with spit, and the edges are jagged and torn. The red edges are smoooth, though; they can't draw any blood. So it's easy enough to throw away. There's only the memory of what once was. But that's a little harder to get rid of.

mrenberg @ 2003-12-08T20:52:00

2003-12-09T04:57:50Z

I feel like being vindictive and petty.

Why won't you give me an apple, apple man? I said.. GIVE ME AN APPLE!

Fine. I have an orange anyway. And a pear. In fact, this pear has been here for a week. A week before I even had a craving for an apple.

If you don't give me an apple, I'll eat this pear. So... give me an apple now.

Thanks. I'm so glad we've been reduced to five year olds.

mrenberg @ 2003-11-09T22:26:00

2003-11-10T06:27:08Z

She wants to grow up; she's ready for the world. When I was her age, I never thought beyond the pond out back, or the football field. When I woke up in the morning and looked out as far as I could see, that was everything. And that's all that mattered, and that's all that was important. Her world view is a little bigger than mine considering she watches tv and Stina brings her out to Canada to visit, but...

Something inside of me wants to grab her, wrench her back, and keep her on an island like in the "Truman Show."

I've been spoiled, thinking she'd remain the same forever.

Stina said she was the same when she was a little girl. I blame her.

Stina thinks it's great. I can already see her imagining slumber parties, teaching her how to wear makeup, and talking about boyfriends.

Oh. I have just been informed that Emmy has a "little friend." If I was in Sweden right now I could be telling that little punk to back off. Cute and innocent, my ass. Sure, maybe he's just tugging on her hair now and sharing carrot sticks, but I can tell that little degenerate is trying to corrupt my daughter.

Stina seems to think I'm overreacting. I don't think so. She also seems to think that I'll give myself a coronary before Emmy even starts dating. Probable.

But... if she wants five cookies instead of three for dessert, I can think of ways of sneaking her the extra two rather than having her grow up.

mrenberg @ 2003-11-05T23:23:00

2003-11-06T07:24:05Z

Cross your fingers for New Jersey.

It is... seemingly ironic that I injured myself. Not so much the incident, but the injury. No need for specifics, though I know everyone is interested in various muscles and their names, but I pulled something in my chest, attached in such a way to my rib cage that breathing was a bit of a hindrance.

Ha.

I'd take a breath in and move my rib cage, and it would give a bit of a hitch, and then... I don't know. I watched Emmy cry once; she'd lost one of her stuffed animals. Her most favorite, and the one she was most desperate for before bedtime, despite the fact it had probably been missing for weeks, and she'd never noticed at all until that night. Funny how we don't notice how little things like that go missing. They can fall behind beds, somehow disappear into thin air, and it is only when they are gone and we need them, that they become important, and we relive every single moment, and replay every memory we ever had with them, working ourselves up into fits even though we were fine just a moment before. Innocence? Ignorance? Or perhaps we just busy ourselves with other things and those small little animals really are important.

Either way, she was crying, and there was nothing I could do. Even if I had another toucan, you just can't replace these kind of things. It doesn't work that simply, and even a small child can grasp that concept, even if you try to trick her when she is very young. Of course, this is the same stuffed animal, Emmy. No, I do not know why the stripes are different colors. She just lay there, so small and curled up, and even though her sobs quieted, she still shook slightly--her chest hitching, and she hiccuped every now and then. And she seemed even smaller, because she didn't want me to pick her up--I'm not a baby, pa!--so even the most base comforting trick was snatched away from me.

The next morning she was all smiles, clutching a goat to her side, but I watched her closely and could still see her struggling. See those imaginary hitches. As a parent, you never want to prod, or bring up a subject that could possibly upset your child, but I kept staring at her, and back at Stina and begging, begging her, or Emmy, or anybody to say something. To ask her. Ask her about her, and about Harry the Toucan.

I ate whatever bland junk Stina made that morning and silently cursed her for her lack of cooking skills and not doing what I mentally urged her to do.

It wasn't until later that night when I finally worked up the courage to say something to Emmy. I asked about Harry, and she patted me quietly on the hand, and told me not to worry. Me. She clutched that goat tighter, and what could I say?

Surreptitiously, Stina pulled the toucan sheets out of weekly sheet changings, though she left one pillow case for the sham on the rocking chair we still kept in Emmy's room. Her grandfather (Stina's side) had made it, so even a girl as old as Emmy couldn't protest having such a gift in the room. And Emmy went to her, and Stina crooned, and they talked about how goats were the most noble beasts ever.

I got a pat on the hand, and memories of shoulders hunched, and chests hitching.

Ja.

It's been that kind of week. That kind of year. And I am wondering how long I've been walking around with these silent hitches. At least for a few weeks I had real ones. I'm not sure which ones are more painful.

I'm craving.... the taste of the air in our arena. And pizza.

mrenberg @ 2003-10-23T23:29:00

2003-10-24T06:56:59Z

Mikael played tonight.

I suppose it is good that one Mikael played.

When you don't play, it's easy to spend too much time inside your head. Which is generally why the coach makes you attend home games, so that you watch the team. It certainly isn't to motivate your shoulder to get better.

But tonight's game wasn't at home.

Although, really, I have been distracted on the ice as well. It's harder to focus when it's quiet. It's so much easier to lose yourself... and then lose your man, or lose the puck. Not even the sound of metal scraping ice can snap you out of it, you're so immersed in your thoughts. Even the red lights, and the sound of a foreign horn seem distant, and you can stare up at the crowd and their disbelief, or their cheers, and it's muffled, almost. It's a vacuum, and all your senses are numbed, and you can barely grip your stick.

And it's not until later, when you're in your hotel room that you feel the tag of your shirt scratching your neck, and it all comes rushing back to you like you're gasping for breath. An underwater experience of sorts.

I miss the ocean already. Sadly, I watched The Little Mermaid earlier today. Emmy watched it after dinner, and I watched it with her. Well. Simultaneously, and we talked on the phone. At the end of the month I am going to cringe over that 90 minute phone call. Or rather, ninety minute session where I stared a screen, held a phone up to my ear, and listened to my daughter giggle every twenty minutes or so.

Hmm. Perhaps not.

mrenberg @ 2003-10-22T22:55:00

2003-10-23T05:55:28Z

I hate this.

mrenberg @ 2003-10-13T23:04:00

2003-10-14T06:33:10Z

Always the mediator.

I am tired of being in the middle of their soap opera when all I want to do is go to bed and curl up and go to sleep.

Our first game was less than... enthusiastic, and everyone let us know. Trust me, we already knew. But we were reminded by our coach, our fans, the newspapers, the television reports, the grocery store clerk, the guy who pan handles by that tree by Bill's, the pharmacist, our newspaper boy, the blind guy who sells pencils, and the man who fixes my cell phone.

But that's Toronto.

I'd find it amusing if I wasn't living in Toronto. Someone left a nice note on my car. I think they mistook my car for someone else's though. And it resembles Darcy's handwriting.

Tonight's game was better, and we have a bit of a respite before heading over to Jersey. Not that we need one. Or maybe we do. I don't know what it is... it is just... we shouldn't be tired, I know this but... I am not quite sure why but this season seems more daunting than any other season. Generally I am anxious and ready for the season to begin and it is 82 games of pure... joy. But this season I... I can't help but feel that each game is getting longer, and I am more tired, and I am longing for Sweden.

I do not know why I am feeling like this.

We played a nice game tonight. But...

It was nice. Nice. I had 19 shifts. 19 nice shifts. Took a few shots in the first and... it was nice. And I drank some nice water. And we patted ourselves on the back for a nice tie. And we dressed and talked about our nice play to the nice reporters and it was nice and then I came home to an empty apartment and listened to a nice message on my answering machine (which is not so nice because I think I broke it during the move. Garbled, nevertheless, it still works).

I am... everything is nice, and I should be content, jah? But... I can't help feeling as if everything is not nice but... Perhaps I am just listless. I want... I want something beyond nice. Does that make me selfish? I want--

I know what I want, but that would ruin everything. That would ruin nice and as tired of nice as I am, I don't think I can let go.

I wish I allowed my puppy on furniture because I'd like to curl up with him in my bed and sleep right now.

mrenberg @ 2003-10-11T13:36:00

2003-10-11T20:37:38Z

Game day.

*deep breath*

Happy birthday elenaberezhnaya!

mrenberg @ 2003-09-30T22:32:00

2003-10-01T05:33:56Z

I am a very mature hockey player. However I had to share the news:

I HAVE A PUPPY!

Pretend I didn't just scream that.

mrenberg @ 2003-09-28T13:18:00

2003-09-28T20:18:46Z

This journal has gone from daily, to weekly, to bi-monthly, to monthly. Soon I will be lucky to write an entry bi-annually. I suppose I do not update often because I tend to mull things over by myself, and not with a pen and paper (or in this case, computer). These journals seem to be more about what you did during the day than about any thoughts in particular. I have not done anything of great interest and have no interest to really share anything on my mind. It strikes me sometimes that... I understand why Mats is so guarded. Well, he is strange fellow who believes he is alien, but he is a fairly private man. Perhaps not so much private, but he understands the difference between sharing a story with a friend, and with a reporter. Perhaps this is why he is always fairly monotone and speaks only the answer to the question and reveals nothing more.

I understand that we are in a position where reporters do ask us questions, but it becomes a bit tedious sometimes. Especially when you do not even know how you feel, yet you must speak because there is microphone in your face. Or when you do not feel like saying anything. I do not think my opinion carries much weight beyond my particular realm anyway. What more or less light can I shed on Anna than another citizen can? Sometimes I think I would like to leave that privilege to another man. Celebrity becomes a bit tiresome. We are privileged, but... I would like the good that comes from being a professional athlete, but I would still like to be Mrs. Renberg's son, and not have to talk to reporters.

Jah, I know, I complain. I think I am just tired.

Expectations are... I do not want to say higher, because really, they are the same as they always were, but we are back within the fishbowl of Toronto, and it has not helped that we are playing the Senators this week. I think this is why I reminded myself to enjoy Sweden and Finland as much as I could. Not that you can enjoy Finland. But you can pretend you are in Sweden. Mats' house was less of a cottage, and more of a cabin, and it reminded me of "Cabin By The Lake" which was on the same station as "Red Sea" so I was a little... worried about that, but I think if there was a shark that would be hanging out by Mats' cottage, Lou Diamond would kill it for me.

Canadian men are very...peculiar. Not that I did not notice this before, but you would think that because we have been in very fine hotels over the years as hockey players, that they would have seen a sauna before. So while most of the guys were checking the area out and Darcy was getting drunk and screaming over and over that he kept seeing a shark, I took advantage of Mat's sauna. Slowly by slowly everyone kept popping their heads inside. They would look around, step outside, talk, and then five minutes later come inside until the entire place was filled. Saunas are supposed to be relaxing, but Nik passed out from the heat and had to be carried out and Darcy kept screaming that someone was touching his leg and was going to pay.

We visited a few places, but mainly kept to ourselves. Most just stayed with their own friends although some did make the effort to get to know some of the new boys. We were supposed to be "bonding" but unless the new English meaning of "bonding" is "forwards lose a lot of money in a poker game to the defense and start a war" we did not do a lot of that. It was probably not wise to start a war with the defense.

Since training camp I have been seeing Mikael a lot and I think perhaps more because Trevor is have problems with his shoulder. It is good for Mikael and he is getting more playing time, and looking as if he might be able to make the jump they were certain he would make a few years back. I am not one to.... think about injuries or wish for them, but I am hoping Trevor's shoulder ails him a bit longer, and if it does not, that Mikael has solidified his spot as backup.

mrenberg @ 2003-09-07T00:21:00

2003-09-07T07:26:06Z

Janne was shopping for body glitter and I wandered into a toy shop.

Even Madeleine does not have a Barbie. Perhaps she should. She could be a nice little Swedish role model.

mrenberg @ 2003-08-16T01:47:00

2003-08-16T08:55:39Z

My mother gave Stina and I these really nice slowfox glasses. They are Orrefors, so they are very nice. They have these etched rings on the side. They are "champagne or water" glasses, which in Swedish means "traditional summer fruit infused vodka" glasses.

We split up most of our items, but I got to keep the glasses because Stina said I was slow. I like to think she gave them to me because I'm a fox. :)

Foxes have cool ears.

I think also because the other glasses were Stella glasses with da.. uhm, frosting? On the lip. I remember white stripe. Not so much sugar like on cupcakes. But Stina kept those because I think whenever I saw them on summer nights in Sweden (where you, of course, drink the traditional summer Swedish fruit infused vodka) I kept yelling out "Stella!"

I think that was in a movie. Without sharks. Which means it was probably fairly nice.

Anyway I am talking about glasses because I used them tonight. And of course, I am extremely focused on glasses. I am not focused at all on maybe slightly drunk Finn and really drunk Swede and what maybe he would do if he was not writing journal entry about glasses.

I have to go now.

mrenberg @ 2003-08-09T00:54:00

2003-08-09T08:26:59Z

I love summer in Sweden.

Particularly those lovely Swedish traditions of drinking vodka on summer nights. And no, I did not make this up just to get certain people drunk on regular occasions. You infuse the vodka with fruit weeks ahead. So there is planning involved.

Of course, if you do not plan, then you just take a shot of vodka and then shove a lemon in your mouth and suck real hard.

It is not really the same effect, but after a few swallows, you do not really notice a difference.

It will be time to strap on the old skates pretty soon. I cannot say I have not missed it.

I always think that having big tv with lots of channels is good thing. That way something is always on and you can watch shows from the United States and other countries. This is good because people in our locker room are always big tv watchers. I am trying to remember.. was it Darcy who went insane and tried to beat up Tie when Tie revealed that Joey slept with Dawson? Or was it Tie who beat up Darcy when Darcy told him who won 'Big Brother'? I do not understand the obsession with American tv.

So, I am thinking that lots of channels is good thing until I am flipping and I see they are advertising for new movie on tv. Generally I like new movies on tv because they are very bad, but entertaining, and I can eat popcorn and watch them from my nice soft couch. Sometimes there are cool action sequences and sometimes soft porn. I always enjoy TNT sex scenes because the women wear flesh colored shirts. Flesh colored shirts are a sure sign of movie magic.

Again, I am thinking that lots of channels is good thing until I am flipping channel changer and come across advertisement for new movie on tv called 'Red Sea.' So maybe is movie about Moses? Maybe is movie about food coloring? Maybe is movie about a sea that belongs to man named Red?

No.

It is movie about sharks. Sharks attacking. Because they are hungry.

Not just hungry.

HUNGRY FOR HUMAN FLESH!

Why would someone want to make a movie like that?! Why would you put money into producing a movie not only about the evil that is sharks, but sharks that EAT HUMANS!

TNT makes movies with flesh colored shirts. Why cannot more movies be made with flesh colored shirts? I think they are more entertaining than FLESH EATING EVIL SEA CREATURES WITH BIG HUGE SCARY TEETH!

You have to be insane to enjoy movies like that. Like old man Johan at the fishing store.

I know, Janne, I know. I promise I would not talk about him. But he is old! And scary. And crazy. He sits in his store all day and talks about fish. He just sits there! He has white hair and a beard that reaches halfway down his chest and one lazy eye that stares at the front door the entire time and if you ask him what he is staring at he says, "the ocean" and then he starts talking about fish and then sharks and then whales and then he starts screaming out lines from Moby Dick.

Normally I run out of the store and back to my boat when he starts screaming but one day I could not take it anymore and I threw a coffee can of worms in his face and screamed, "Plagerizer!" before I ran out.

Now when I go in store he stares at me with both eyes instead of just one eye on me and one eye on the door. And his coffee can of worms is now behind the counter.

I told you he was crazy. Who has a coffee can of worms anyway?

Ahem

2003-07-30T04:23:19Z

I have plenty of culture. I am Swedish, after all. I think that puts me in the top one percent in everything.

Indiana Jones is a nice movie, but, really, he is named after a dog. How can you take archaeologist seriously if he is named after dog and little girls in class swoon over him? I have very nice teachers in Sweden, but I do not think any of them would be stupid enough to enter a temple of DOOM. If you are teacher, would you not be smart enough to know to avoid temples of DOOM? He is American, though, so that may explain it.

Now, I enjoyed some real culture today. The Little Mermaid: Return to the Sea. Not as great as the original, but it takes you back to that place where you remember how much you loved the original The Little Mermaid. Ariel was still gorgeous, and Eric was still donning those half open sea shirts. I really felt for him when his boat sank. *thumps chest* I feel you right in here, Eric. The other good part? The shark was very very tiny. Smaller than Flounder, and he smashes into a wall of ice, and loses all his teeth. Now that is ingenius. Great writing. It deserved an Emmy. (no, not those silly awards for shows in America. I am talk about the award show Emmy and I put on every year where we make little paper plate awards for our favorite movies. I really feel as if TLM: RTTS has a chance of winning 'Best Picture' even though it is old. Emmy and I really should have watched this when ! it was first released.)

Stina called today and mid-conversation my phone starts beeping. I shrugged, thinking it was nothing but it kept beeping and beeping and then it cut me off. So, I did the logical thing and shook it real hard. And then I hit it against the counter.

That obviously broke it.

I took the thing to Janne (because he is Finnish and likes heavy metal, so I am hoping that he also likes regular metals, like electronics and can fix them), holding it out in my hand and proclaiming that Emmy had dropped it.

He shook it real hard too, but that didn't work. So we went out to the store and bought a new phone. I called up Emmy from my mobile and she expressed a preference for TLM: RTTS phones (I told you; it is good movie), but considering she had broken the other phone, I did not really think I should give her a choice. So I chose a nice black one. It is black with black trim, and matches my black answering machine. I thought it was a smart choice, and I should have been an interior decorator.

I found out from the cashier that my old phone had just been off the charger for far too long and all I had to do was put it back in the recharger.

Oh.

Well, Janne shook it too, so obviously, that was the logical thing to do, even if it was not in the instruction manual. But I like this phone better than my old one (which was white, and did not match my answering machine) so it all works out okay.

[I hate lj. *shakes fist*]

mrenberg @ 2003-07-22T15:41:00

2003-07-22T22:58:35Z

I read Mats journal, and he was right--I was pissed off. Because that incident was very very scary. I mean, I was just hanging out in the water--swimming, having a grand old time and then suddenly there was this sharp, smooth gray silver contour slicing through the water and it just kept getting closer and closer, and it was getting bigger and bigger and my eyes were wider and wider and then I kept thinking about JAWS and then JAWS II and then JAWS III and JAWS IV (even though there was no JAWS IV, but there could have been! there could have been!) and then I realized it wasn't a shark at all! So I calmed down a bit but then realized that it was a PROPELLER and it was getting closer and closer and then I put my arm up to shield me and it hit and there was blood everywhere and then I just kept thinking about how sharks *love* blood and how they can smell it in the water, and then I realized that there probably were not any sharks in Sweden, so I calmed down but that was when I realized that my entire length of arm was sliced open and I was bleeding and my mama and papa were screaming and crying, so I jumped up out of the water, holding my arm, and ran all the way to the hospital.

*cough*

Not that it was a big deal or anything. I probably could have just put a bandaid or something on it.

And despite what Mats says, I really do not have that many accidents. So there was the propeller thing last year, and the windsurfing thing the year before that, and anchor thing the year before, and then when I was playing for the Bears there was the winter fishing thing, and of course, the other wind surfing thing and side of the boat incident. But that is not so many accidents, ja? I mean, it is not as if I have ever cut myself and had an infection that made my hand blow up to five times its size...

Oh. *scratches head*

Darcy was kind enough to send me a bootlegged version of "Finding Nemo." I do not know where he gets all of them from. But it does not matter, because I was able to watch it several times over with Emmy. She really enjoyed it. I, uh, covered her eyes though during the shark scene. She does not need to be frightened like that.

Stina was talking to me the other day about a trip to Canada with Emmy. It sounds like fun, but... I do not know. Visiting sounds nice, but when I think about Canada that is all I really want to do. I love playing for the Leafs, but... I can play hockey in Sweden. And I can be near Emmy. I love Sweden and this summer has really just reinforced that. I do not think I have ever had so much fun or have been so at peace with myself. I think about the NHL and I think about struggles. I have always been one ready and willing to face such things. My papa has always instilled in us that we should fight and overcome those things, and that that is what makes life so wonderful.

But then I step back and think about my career and how so much of it has been filled with such things. Sweden, and hockey in Sweden, has brought me peace and happy times, and easy times. I returned to the NHL, and to the Leafs, because I hungered for that competition. I hungered for something more challenging.

And every time I found those challenges. I just wonder how long I can keep going. Despite my rejoicing, I did not figure out that space continuum rip, and am not really 27.

I think I will spend the rest of this summer thinking.

Ahem

2003-07-11T05:51:55Z

I plead the fifth. I will not address any questions directed towards me involving the words, "tied up," "dinner," or "Janne made."

However, despite being jived up, I had an excellent lunch, compliments of Chef Jamie. And no, my house didn't burn down (perhaps because we weren't at my house, but that's anoter story).

I know. I am terrible at this. I think it is because at beginning of making journal I had a lot of time to myself and used this for reflection. A way to talk when I really could not talk to anyone else. But now.... now summer is here, and Janne is here, and I can see my daughter whenever I want, and I am.. I am in Sweden where the sun shines and my boat is so beautiful in the water, and I can relax and breathe, and it is so not Toronto.

I think I want summer in Sweden to last forever.

And if that means infrequent journal updates then... I can only hope my life will always be filled with moments too great and too wonderful to possibly pen. Too busy to write.

mrenberg @ 2003-06-30T18:32:00

2003-07-01T01:46:49Z

This week has been lazy and relaxing, and I hope that that is how the rest of the summer is. I do not need any distractions. Well, besides Janne and Emmy. So far my plan is not working but it would work *better* if certain people stopped being so damn cute and endearing. My daughter would never fall in love with a jerk--so act more jerkish, Janne. Act like... pretend you are 3 feet tall and as annoying as Mike, Janne. That should work. And if not, maybe she will fall in love with Mike. He's her height anyway. I do not know, however, if I want her to fall in love with Mike. I am her father after all, and even though I'm not too fond of this whole "I am in love with Janne and want to marry him" fad, I am not mean enough to force Mike on her. Or rather, have him as a son-in-law. Purely selfish, of course, on my part, if she really does fall in love with him because I do not want him as a son-in-law but...

Besides, if they married they would have ugly short children. His awful genes would override her wonderful ones. Also, she would pick up awful manners from him. She would start following poor people--stalking them on their dates. ;p After all we taught her, I would not want Mike to muddle it up.

Let us not talk about Mike anymore. This entry is already taller than he is, so let us not blather on anymore about him.

Janne made tv dinners a few nights back. They were very tasty. :) The next morning we sailed down the coast a bit and then anchored at the port around Ulea. We rented a car and then drove a little farther south to this really great inn where we uh... rode bikes around. It was really pretty..right along the coast. Great weather, great times.

I found a really nice store in town that has all sorts of stuffed animals. Really rare kinds too, which is great since Emmy is not one for ordinary animals. I picked up an emu, a whale, a platypus, and a ground hog. Next time she comes up I'll give them to her. I wonder if she'll make anything out of them.

Markus... Nik... any of you fellows interested in a nice... necklace? hat? handbag? I'm sure one of you would love to have a platypus purse. Uh. Manbag. Yeah. Or maybe I could offer it to Todd. After seeing my daughter's lovely designs I am confident Todd would fork over Markus for a playtypus purse. Thus solving my problems. :)

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	55% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	64.4%
Shamelessness	90.5% Has yet to see self in mirror	79%
Sex Drive	73.7% A fool for love, but not always	77.2%
Straightness	19.6% Knows the other body type like a map	44.1%
Gayness	8.9% Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame	82.6%
Fucking Sick	84.1% Refreshingly normal	89.5%
You are 55.24% pure Average Score: 72.1%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

What the...

2003-06-19T02:06:15Z

mrenberg
Magic Number	13
Job	Despot
Personality	Unfulfilled Dreamer
Temperament	All Bark, No Bite
Sexual	Gay
Likely To Win	Time Off For Good Behaviour
Me - In A Word	Evil
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

Obviously, none of that is true. Pink is *not* my favorite color.

So my own game has turned against me. I was released though on Sunday to spend the day with Emmy. Stina told me Emmy planned it herself. And I believe her because otherwise I do not think that I would have had to wear the turtle hat. She actually brought with her a necklace for Janne to wear. Necklace meaning a stuffed goat strung around a piece of rope. I didn't have the heart to tell her it looked like she was hanging Lily. Janne didn't wear his necklace with as much pride as I wore my turtle hat, but I suppose that's because the turtle on my hat is at least smaller than my hat, while Lily the Goat was as big as his chest. *snicker*

Despite her recent hat and necklace makings, she does not want to be a designer. I tell her she should. Can you imagine? NHL awards. Markus Nasland walks down the red carpet. Lady stops him and asks him who he is wearing. His reply?

"Emmy Renberg."

Eh? Good stuff.

I think so. We had lunch on the boat and then she revealed what she wanted to be when she got older.

Janne's wife.

I choked on my juice. She laughed at me for being silly and Janne laughed so hard he fell over the side of the boat. You cannot blame me for pulling up the anchor and trying to sail away, can you? At least I found out why she was nice enough to invite Janne along for our special day.

We spent the rest of the day at the beach and cooked hot dogs at night. I didn't bother explaining to her why she couldn't be Janne's wife. I figure I just wave pictures of Nik or Markus at her and let her be Scott or Todd's problem.

And since Sunday I have not been released. I will never try to do someone a favor and kidnap them again, and save them from the awfulness that is Finland.

mrenberg @ 2003-06-12T19:26:00

2003-06-13T02:28:23Z

Other survey says that names are boring. I do not think so.

mikael
interj. phrase suggesting that someone disrespect something.
"Homie - mikael!"

See, my name is cool. And for Janne:

janne
v. to tell people about someone or something.
"Are you trying to janne, Billie?"

mrenberg @ 2003-06-11T21:08:00

2003-06-12T04:35:39Z

So I feel a little silly because all my updates have been about... um. Handcuffs and kidnappings and such.

And I am not bored because I have been ... um.. busy with handcuffs and kidnappings and such things, but I do this survey.

And I cannot believe I just wrote that.

I am getting ballsy in my old age. And, Janne, don't say *anything* about my age.

(1) The singular most boring question: What is your name? Mikael. That is not boring question. Is good question. I like to know who I am talking to as well.
(2) Are you happy with it? Yes. My mama gave it to me.
(3) Are you named after anyone? Old Mikael who lives in a house on top of a hill. Also known as my pappy. Or my papa's papa.

I do not know where four went.

(5) Your screenname: lateralswede
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? Yes. Mickela. Known to world as Emmy.
(8)If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? Michael Comrie.
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? Mikael Tellqvist. Is good switch.
(10) Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? I am Michael in America/Canada. Or is how you say it. People think just because name has 'k' that it is strange foreign word. Is not. Just Mikael.
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? No. Because my papa's name is important to me. And there are many Mikael's in the world.

BASICS

(17) Your age: I must be 27.
(18) Age you act: I act like I am 27. Except when I give advice. Then I must be 500. I am incredibly wise.
(19) Age you wish you were: I *am* 27. I would not wish any other age.
(20) Your height: 6'2. 215 lbs. I am stud.
(21) The color of your eyes: brown
(22) Happy with it? No. I hate my eyes. I wish someone would pour acid in them. What kind of question is this?
(23) The color of your hair: Brown
(24) Happy with it? Ja.
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? I can do many things with my hands. Both hands. But my left one works best.
(26) Your living arrangement? I have several nice homes. A large apartment in Toronto. And two nice houses in Sweden.
(27) Your family: I have a mama, papa, two sisters, and a daughter.
(28) Have any pets? No. Emmy has a goat. Oh no. I do have stuffed turtle on my head.
(29) What's your job: To entertain Emmy. And Janne.
(30) Piercings? No
(31) Tattoos? No.
(32) Obsessions? I enjoy hockey... and ice cream...
(33) Addictions? Is Finnish person addiction?
(35) Do you speak another language? Of course.

DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it

(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? I do not think I get compliments.
(45) If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? Striving
(46) What's your biggest fear? Losing Emmy.
(47) Can you sing? Yes. In shower.
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? I pretend I am Mike Comrie sometimes. I get down on my knees. I do not know if I look cool though.
(49) Are you a loner? No. I am a Mikael.
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? My family. (Why priorities if it is number one?)
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Ja.

DO YOU...

(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? I talk to strange people.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? Depends.

WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...

(84) Been out of the country? Never. I magically make NHL come to Sweden.
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? No. Other people are just mistaken about great Swedish food.
(86) Had sex? I am virgin. Virgin Mary with daughter Emmy.
(88) Been in love? Ja.
(90) Gone skinny dipping? OH! JA! This is to go on "Summer To-Do List."
(91) Had a medical emergency? Ja
(92) Had a surgery? Let us not talk about surgery.
(93) Ran away from home? Ja. For two hours.
(94) Played strip poker? Ja
(95) Gotten beaten up? Ja. My daughter hits hard.
(96) Beaten someone up? Well. I think I may have tripped over little bug in street. Named Mike.
(97) Been picked on? When will it stop?
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? I will never do that again, Janne. Never. Not even for you.

CLOTHES and other fashion shit

(154) Shoe brand? The one with soles.
(155) Brand of clothing? The kind that fits.
(159) Wear hats? With turtles.
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? All the time. If you wear ugly shirts you are from other side of Sweden. Where there are reindeer.
(161) Wear make-up? Once. Never again. Not even for you, Janne.
(162) Favourite place to shop? Clothing store.
(163) Favourite article of clothing? Shirt Emmy made.
(164) Are you trendy? Thanks to shirt Emmy made.

AMIGOS

(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Why do they care if they are gay/lesbian?
(188) Who is your best friend? Janne.
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? Stina.
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? "Papa, if you want to fix it call moder."
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? My age. I do not know why. I am 27.
(193) Who's your longest known friend? Jonas.
(195) Shyest? Mikael.
(196) Funniest? Mike. He is so short.
(197) Sweetest? Janne
(198) Closest? Janne
(199) Weirdest? Janne
(200) Smartest? Jorgen
(201) Ditziest? Janne. In nice way.

mrenberg @ 2003-06-07T23:47:00

2003-06-08T06:48:45Z

Doing this update rather precariously because it is hard to type when your hands are in handcuffs.

How does he get out of them but I am stuck forever? Is like chinese fingercuffs. More you pull, harder to get off.

This is ridiculous.

mrenberg @ 2003-06-07T17:06:00

2003-06-08T00:12:12Z

think think think think think think think think

This is not helping!

think think think think think think think think

I can't figure it out!

Arg... I will think of something that will make me feel better.. Mike!

Mike is short.

short short short short short short short short

mike is short and dumb
haikus are for big morons
morons just like mike